


I'm so lost without you

by Aleksander5465



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Malec, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, Protective Alec Lightwood, Worried Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleksander5465/pseuds/Aleksander5465
Summary: Alec breaths out, wrapping his arms around Magnus’ shoulders and lifting him slightly up, but his own body is too heavy.-You ripped up your coat, you love this coat. I’m sorry…He sits back on the cold and wet surface and pulls the cool body of his man close to his chest. He presses his cheek to Magnus’ temple and runs his hand through his hair. It’s wet, but Alec realizes it’s not from the rain. His fingers are colored with Magnus’ blood.





	I'm so lost without you

The days after the world crashes are always the most difficult, empty and awkward in a way. People want to do everything and nothing at all. Should they start living their normal life? But is it even possible after the death of so many? Doing nothing seems disrespectful. Going to bed seems too normal. So all of them work all day even though they’re extremely exhausted.

The soul sword killed so many downworlders, their bodies laying on the floor stuck in Alec’s head even after long hours they’ve been gone. He made sure each clan, each pack, each family got to take care of the members who died. He talked to them, he knows he’s not good with words, but he was sure it was his duty. He feels responsible even though he’s not officially in charge. It’s just the way he is. He’s always been a born leader, a big brother, always putting everyone else first. So he hasn’t slept in two days, taking care of the Institute, making sure Izzy is getting enough rest, doing well enough battling her addiction and checking on Jace, knowing how much guilt he feels right now. But Alec knows he wouldn’t have done all of this without Magnus by his side. Magnus who knew what to say to calm down a furious seelie girl who lost her lover, Magnus who knew how to use his magic to make Izzy feel a little bit better, Magnus who knew when Alec needed a coffee break. Magnus….

Alec’s looking at him talking to Clary, hearing short sentences from their conversation:  
-I don’t know, Biscuit, how to explain why it happened to Simon. And I can’t tell you if this ability will last…

Alec doesn’t have a clue either, maybe he should be curious, but he doesn’t have strength to wonder why this damn vampire can walk in the sun. Now he’s looking at Magnus, his body language and soft smile and thinking how easily he could lose it. If the warlock hadn’t left the Institute with Madzie, he would have been dead. When Clary said that Magnus was there, Alec felt like he was drowning. Nothing mattered but finding Magnus, making sure he was alright. Alec couldn’t breathe running through the halls, the fear of finding Magnus dead on the cold floor rising in his gut. The image of this powerful man lying without moving. The man who saw Alec, for the first time in his life really saw him. The man who makes him feel understood and taken care of. The man who fought for him. The man he loves.

It was the moment when he realized it. He loves Magnus. He knew he had feelings for the warlock. All those moments they spent together, all those steps into their relationship made the feelings grow. He knew it. But when he thought he might have lost Magnus, he realized he loves him, he loves him more than anyone. Without Magnus he wouldn’t be complete, he would be left with a hole inside his heart, not knowing how to live anymore.

So when he felt the warlock hand on his arm, he pulled him close to his chest as fast as he could. He wanted to drown in Magnus’ warmth instead of the fear. He wanted to breathe him in like it was a proof he was really there. But more than that he wanted to scream at Magnus to never do this again, to never make him so fucking scared, to never leave.

Alec’s so deep in his thoughts he doesn’t notice that Magnus is talking to him.  
-Alexander, you here?  
-Hm? I’m… Yeah, sorry I didn’t pay attention  
-Are you okay? Is it about Jace? How is he?  
Magnus asks as he sits next to Alec.  
\- No, no. I’m fine, Jace is fine. He’s not in a best place right now, but he’s gonna be alright, I know it. I’m just tired I guess.  
\- So why don’t you get some rest? You’ve done a lot more than you had to, Shadowhunter.  
Magnus touches the back of Alec’s neck, his gentle fingers caressing the short hair. Alec closes his eyes and lets himself lean into the touch relaxing his muscles. He looks up at Magnus, their eyes meet.  
-Can we go home?  
Magnus feels something warm in his chest hearing Alexander calling the loft home. But looking into Alec’s eyes he knows his Shadowhunter is not quite right. Because the safest place is in each other’s presence. They’re each other’s home.  
-Yeah, let’s go  
Magnus whispers with a smile.

***

Alec’s running down the hall, the Institute empty, strange and quiet. Too quiet. The only sounds filling the space are his echoing footsteps and heavy breathing. He’s lost and numb, like he doesn’t know what he’s doing, why he’s here, why he can’t remember what happened. He feels like he’s been running for years, his lungs and muscles ache begging for the oxygen. Something tells him not to stop, because he’s looking for something important. What is it? He can’t remember. He slows down in the middle of a room. The floor covered with a thick layer of dust, window glass broken, the chairs down and dirty. He’s been there before, he knows. But back then there were lights on and people dressed beautifully, his sister in gold, his parabatai in black suit giving him encouraging smiles and Lydia… And he was here giving up the chance to be himself. He remembers the words someone told him ages ago. ‘You’ll be lonely all your life’.  
-Magnus.  
Alec whispers turning around to the door. Magnus was here the last time. Where is he now? Why he’s not here to save him again?

Suddenly he sees something on the floor at the end of the aisle. A coat? A dress? He tooks a few steps closer and kneels down to pick up the material. It’s a fragment of gold bed sheets. What is it doing here? He remembers lying in those sheets, grabbing it while Magnus kissed his way down his neck. 'I need to find Magnus’- it’s the only thing he’s able to manage to think about. He leaves the room and starts to run again, he knows he won’t find the way out of this labyrinth if he doesn’t find Magnus.

He’s on the rooftop, it’s raining a little bit, he wonders if that’s why he’s so cold. He feels like freezing fingers are touching his bones. But he feels even colder when he sees Magnus lying on the concrete. Alec runs to him, gets down to his knees and touches his shoulder.  
-Magnus… Magnus, please…. Wake up, you can’t be here, we need to get out of here.  
He cups Magnus’ cheek to look at his face. The Shadowhunter feels like his heart stopped beating in his chest. Magnus’ unglamoured eyes are wide open, but he doesn’t see him. Alec’s soul breaks under the empty gaze of his pupils.  
-Magnus… I need to take you away from here.  
Alec breaths out, wrapping his arms around Magnus’ shoulders and lifting him slightly up, but his own body is too heavy.  
-You ripped up your coat, you love this coat. I’m sorry…  
He sits back on the cold and wet surface and pulls the cool body of his man close to his chest. He presses his cheek to Magnus’ temple and runs his hand through his hair. It’s wet, but Alec realizes it’s not from the rain. His fingers are colored with Magnus’ blood.  
-No, no, no  
Alec repeats to himself.  
-I found you, we’re okay. We have to, because I found you. You saved me, I have to save you too, i will…  
He feels the tears burning their way down his face.

 

Alec wakes up feeling a warm hand on his cheek wiping the tears away.  
-Alexander, wake up. It’s okay, you had a nightmare.  
The Institute disappeared, the cold air and rain did too, but Magnus stayed. And he’s breathing, touching him and looking at him with worry in his eyes. Alec sits up, reality slips into his brain. He’s home, surrounded by the warmth of their bed.  
-Are you okay, darling?  
-Yeah… Fine  
Magnus rests his hand on Alec’s shoulder, drawing circles on his lover’s skin with his thumb.  
-Wanna tell me about your dream?  
Alec looks up and wraps his arms around Magnus hugging him tight.  
-Hey… It’s okay, you’re safe now.  
Magnus offers the words of comfort.  
Alec breaths out looking at the warlock’s face and touching his jawline, he wants to make sure he feels him under his fingertips.  
-I’m so lost without you.  
-Alexander…  
-Show me your eyes.  
-I’m looking at you, darling.  
-Please, show me your real eyes.  
Magnus wants to ask why, but he thinks it’s not a good time. He closes his eyes and when he opens them again, warm gold of Magnus’s cat eyes meets Alec’s gaze. They’re full of light and love for the man in front of them. The shadowhunter rests his forehead on Magnus’.  
-You know… your warlock mark should be a sign of a demon, but i feel like they could drive all my demons away.  
Alec whispers softly and quietly like it’s the biggest secret.


End file.
